Single and Lonely? Ready to Re-Enter the Dating Pool But Worried It’ll Be a Shock? Why Not Let Rhonda the Maven Show You How to Start Dating Again?
March 15, 2009 by Anne
Filed under Blog, Dating, Relationships & Family
Note from Anne:
As you are no doubt aware, every day, thousands of Baby Boomers suddenly wake up to find themselves single, and – unfortunately – feeling like you’re totally out of touch with the dating scene.
To help you start dating again, so that you can rediscover the joys of a full social life, I’ve asked an expert, Rhonda Cort, a.k.a. “Rhonda the Maven,” to write this guest post on how to re-enter the dating pool. Whether you just want to dip your toe into the social scene, or you’re ready to dive in – total immersion-style - she’s got the experience to help assure your water wings are working and your dive won’t end with an unpleasant “belly flop…”
Rhonda’s an entrepreneur who’s been lucky enough to have spent the last 10+ years, living, working – and dating – internationally.
In true entrepreneurial fashion – as in “find a need and fill it” – she’s turned her knowledge and experience into a business, becoming a mentor and speaker whose expertise is helping fabulous women (and some very special men) not only start dating again, but actually make quantum leaps on the social scene.
Rhonda know how to take your personal life from “fizzle” to “SIZZLE” -
As she puts it:
- “I have been living a juicy life in various countries around the world (Italy and Sweden are two of my favorites).”
- “This time has been full of nothing but memorable moments enjoying fantastic relationships and dating great men of various nationalities, races and cultural backgrounds.”
- “As a result, my passion and mission are to help you become magnetically attractive to the quality men and women YOU want to date within 90 days.”
- “In fact, if you are as motivated as some of my clients have been, this could happen within just weeks — not months or years!”
Clearly Rhonda has a unique point of view and a reservoir of wisdom that helps her connect with her clients on many levels. So take it away, Rhonda!
How to Re-enter the Dating Pool — Without Shock
By Rhonda the Maven
The good thing about dating in your midlife is that you are clear (or should be) on what you want, what you like and who you are. There is a silent strength and poise about you that the 20-somethings and 30-somethings secretly envy. Don’t ask ‘em though–they’d never admit it.
However, you have probably been out of the dating pool for some time-maybe just a few years for some and perhaps decades for others. With all the life experience you have, nothing can prepare you for re-entering the pool and taking that first swim.
So whether you want to dip your toe or dive in all at once, there are a few things I’d like to share with you – I want your first swim to be in water that is warm, comfy and inviting.
I’ve been in the dating pool, off and on, for the last few years myself. I understand it can be pretty intimidating, especially if all you’ve heard are disaster stories one after the other. However, you should try to be objective. How will you find a new friend or that special new companion if you don’t get in the pool-online or off? I know…I know you’re concerned about your safety, but once you have the know-how there is no need to worry.
Let me help you avoid the ‘cold water’ shock and the struggle so many Baby Boomers experience when it comes to testing the dating waters again. Remember, you should take time to prepare yourself BEFORE you take that dive or dip your toes in the pool.
Don’t waste time swimming in circles! Hurry go get a pen and paper. Jot down the 2 vital points I’m about to reveal. They will literally determine if your love life sinks or swims!
1. Get help.
This is of vital importance as it’s infinitely harder to reach goals solo. There will be days when you need encouragement. So get a like-minded positive friend to help you or a personal mentor. Your success rate can only SKYROCKET when you do so.
Here are some things a great mentor will help you address:
- Getting crystal clear about what you want and what you don’t want.
- Overcoming obstacles or issues that stand in the way of your success.
- Putting together a step-by-step action plan based on your comfort zone.
- Inspiring you, keeping you on track and lifting you up when you are low.
- Providing wisdom to help you get the best out of your dating experience and help you avoid unnecessary pitfalls.
2. As you start dating again, your dating, love or friendship action-plan should be S.M.A.R.T.
- Specific. You need to specifically and clearly state what you want. Why? Because until you do that, the people you attract will be random and not at all what you want.
- Measurable. You need to know when you’ve reached your love life goals. You could have a goal to just go out on one great date every 2 weeks or to meet a wonderful new companion within 6 months or so. It’s okay to set measurable goals; they motivate you to take action.
- Action-oriented. This is where most people fall short. Don’t be one of them. If you want to go out on wonderful dates…you’ve got to DO something to attract them. So you need to figure out what that is, how you’re going to do it and when.
- Realistic. You have a dream or desire you want to achieve, right? Well it’s great to push outside your comfort zone, but at the same time they need to be reachable. Otherwise, you set yourself up for disappointment.
- Timely. Are these desires you have in sync with your current needs in life? Only when you feel it’s time to achieve them and you truly want them, will you do whatever it takes to obtain them.
This information has saved people I’ve worked with from wasting precious time with incompatible people, timewasters and bad dates! Following these two points will greatly increase your chances of finding a wonderful new partner or friend who suits you in less time. It may sound a bit technical, but nothing beats a little preparation.
I would love to hear your feedback and any questions you may have. Write me at: RhondaTheMaven @ gmail.com
Wishing you a warm dive… or a pleasant dip!
Rhonda the Maven
P.S. If you are serious about successfully getting back in the dating pool to find a friend or a loving partner, I have something very special, just for you…
Visit: Dynamic Daters
nice post, i think this is a great way to start back up with dating. i like the fact that it is all step by step, but i would be cautious not to stick to that indefinitely or you could miss out on some great times. i think it could be great for any age group. thanks for the tips.
Jim, that’s a great observation. It’s meant to be a starting point… I’ve worked with so many people who needed “a little structure” as well as self-motivation to take action when getting back into dating.
Once you become at ease, you naturally find your dimension. The key is laying a solid foundation by being yourself and knowing what you desire.
Great dates & love for everyone!
- Rhonda
“Rhonda the Maven”
Starting date again is really hard for me personally.Thanks for the tips but i still need more time.
I think this is a great article. I know many single people who have had to deal with losses to their family. This could really help them get back some joy in their lives. thanks
Good tips all. I especially like that you emphasized “take action now.” I’m not entirely convinced that you need to prepare for yourself a step-by-step plan (maybe it helps but it’s not my style) but I know unequivocally that taking action is important. The only way to meet people is to come out of your shell and try to strike up a conversation.
Thanks for the comments! I am happy everyone is getting what they need out of it. That was my purpose.
Yes, Kevin. I know it’s very hard to get back in the saddle after many years of marriage–or on the flip side, after years of being single. Sometimes we need a little structure to take inspired action.
Everyone’s situation is unique. Nancy feels she isn’t ready yet. Jim likes having some structure to start off and then just exploring. Sean is more of the go with the flow from the start… All valid ways of being.
Some extra advice I will add for everyone is to be flexible and willing to try something new if your “routine or comfort zone” way of doing things is not working. We all tend to sometimes get in our own way.
New possibilities for everyone!
Rhonda
“Rhonda the Maven”
Looking for short term or long term relationship to the opposite sex you must be trust yourself and ask anything about her/him. Make sure you love him/her when it comes to relationship. You may stick to one person and understand her or him vice versa. Show your feelings, give your time so that your relationship will last. When it comes to relationship, age doesn’t matter but if its up to you if you fight your love/feelings to her or him.
I’m not sure it is possible to re-enter the dating scene totally without cold water shock. But it is great to have a friend or kindred spirit or knowledgeable person (like how Rhonda sounds) to at least warm the waters up a little bit. That could make all the difference between success and not.
Hi there, I found your blog via Google while searching for first aid for a heart attack and your post looks very interesting for me.
I found this blog interesting since my mother is now single. I will forward it on and hopefully you will continue this subject.
Time is of the essence. Sometimes we are exhausted or just plain afraid to get out there again. FEAR is a four-letter word when dating. I think these venues are full of tips and encouragement. Bravo!
I want to start dating again and various points you have given in the blog are helpful. I read this with pleasure, very interesting post, write still, good luck to you!
Wow! It’s been a while since I checked in here. Thanks for all the wonderful comments. Yes, Spot, it’s pretty hard to avoid the ‘cold water shock’ altogether, but as you said it helps loads to have someone who can support you and provide good advice.
I will let Anne know that I would love to continue writing to support all those who want guidance or just helpful ideas. Let us know what your #1 need or concern is and please…keep the comments coming!
Love & success to all!
Rhonda Cort
“The Magnetic Woman”
P.S. I’m also called Magnetic Woman. Something to do with consistently, magically and magnetically attracting great dates, an endless stream of unique opportunities and a sizzling lifestyle–LOL!
My wife has a great story about when she was dating she only had three qualities she looked for in a man. Did he have a job, did he have a car, and did he look good in his jeans. Fortunately she learned there was more to it and she created a new plan for attracting her perfect mate.
With her new attraction plan, she attracted me from 1,500 miles away. Now, five years later I realize tha Jan is essential to me living my purpose. We are growing in love, giving our gift, supporting each other to be everything we can be and living our purpouse through our business.
I think in the new economy it is essential that we attract a mate that is a perfect fit for supporting us in being everything we are meant to be.
This is very informative article. Ill post it in my dating community (with your permission od course)
xoxo
i hope it is as easy as it sounds in your blog.Ah, its been a while
This is a very informative and well put article. Dating can be such a tricky thing. I really like the S.M.A.R.T. principle.
It can be very intimidating to start dating after many years. However, you really hit on something when you mentioned that maturity brings a kind of self-confidence younger folks just don’t seem to have yet. This can be a huge advantage.
My main problem was getting used to the actual dating protocols once more. But once you’re in the driver’s seat again, it all comes back.
Of course, we aren’t all going to be compatible with each other, but occasionally you will meet someone with whom you just click.
Sweet blog. I never know what I am going to come across next. I think you should do more posting as you have some pretty intelligent stuff to say.
I’ll be watching you .
I considered myself to be pretty much “out of the game” but thanks to you I have the confidence to get back out there!
Thanks,
Daniel
Starting dating again, this is what I am planning to do! With your blog, it will be easier. Thanks for the great tips!
Sometimes we are exhausted or just plain afraid to get out there again. Fear is a four-letter word when dating. I think these venues are full of tips and encouragement.
I definitely agree with this. There’s a lot of sites and advice focused on young people and dating, but the truth is, there’s a lot people around the baby boomer age that are single and lonely too! (as you mentioned). Great advice for people to set realistic expectation and goals. Wonderful Post
-Derek
Great tips for someone entering the dating scene. Although, it’s always difficult to start from scratch and put the pieces together, but time heals everything. Great that you touched on a topic that not many focus on.
I’ve found that its hard to regain trust in someone esp. if the trust has been betrayed time and time again. Which is I think the main reason why people just wall themselves up and insulate themselves from further hurt and pain.
This ultimately leads to being ‘out of action’ from the dating scene like you said.
But good tips all round! Although Im a bigger believer of serendipity (so I dont believe in plans
)
Thanks for the tips it is hard to get back out there after a long relationship.
Hi, I am a baby boomer, looking for baby boomers all over the net. I feel so lonely, are all baby boomers lonely? Can’t we unit?
A good friend of mine’s mom lost her husband to a heart attack a couple years ago and she is still not dating anyone yet. I’m wondering if I should forward her this information to get her thinking about being with someone else? Some people are different about that. My grandma, after losing her husband, my grandpa, never remarried. I’m sure it can be a tough decision, but if you have the proper support around you, i’m sure it would go a long way.
I am trying to get my grandma to get out and date as we speak but its a lot harder than it looks.
But of course, boomers can date again. It’s never too late for L-O-V-E…
Yeah I also feel that these maybe just the starting point and getting us on to the track and after then you can be your real self, it’s important while on a date to be yourself so you both get to know whether he/she is really the one I am looking for. Another point which should be really upto each individual but no matter how HANDSOME the guy is or how HOT the girl is, don’t give your everything to them in early days. Let the bond first get strong then only start trusting the person.
That is what I was looking for. I want some inspiration to start it again. Actually i broke up before six month and since then I had no relation so It will be an inspirational one for me and guys like me.I like the S.M.A.R.T analysis very much. It is very well written.
Hmmm… so you really need to get some help and be SMART. =) Getting some help will surely lead you to the dating pool again. There are many dating trainings out there, anyway. You just need to be careful on choosing the mentor to trust. And yes, Rhoda is right. Your mentor should give you step-by-step instructions, should be clear in giving in details, should be inspiring you, should know how to overcome dating obstacles, and should provide you helpful dating wisdom. But your mentor can’t help you if you won’t help yourself. That is why you need to be smart and think SMART. Thanks for the nice and helpful post!
Boomers, you can definitely date again. Do not be scared or intimidated by now knowing how to date…you know it! Just do not think too much about it. Try to imagine your next soul mate, the look, the personality you want etc… Then go in front of your mirror and role play with yourself. I know it sound strange, but this little training works for CEO, singers, actors etc…
You never know who you will meet next time you go for bowling game or B-day party…so be prepared
Have fun
Jana
Great tips. Thank you for sharing your ideas and thoughts. It can be very scary to start dating again, regardless of age. Just like anything that is unfamiliar, once you get one or two dates out of the way, your confidence will increase dramatically.
Thank you for the encouragement. It helps take a bit of the fear away. It’s like a life jacket before jumping into that pool.
Sweet blog. I never know what I am going to come across next. I think you should do more posting as you have some pretty intelligent stuff to say.
Thanks
Thanks, I will make an effort to do more posting in the near future. What do you want to read more about?
Anne
I think getting back into the dating pool is one of the toughest things that I had to do after my wife and I separated. I had been out of the loop for over 20 years… so it wasn’t fresh in my head. I guess it’s kind of like riding a bicycle… it takes a while to get the hang of it, but you never totally forget.
Thank you Rhonda for the tips. I think it is important to stay focused on what is important to you before considering getting back into dating. No matter what age we are, we are human and tend to jump into situations or relationships too quick or based on emotions. With some goals listed, they help keep us on track to make good decisions for ourselves.
I completely agree with you about being completely clear in your mind about what you want. Positive thinking is very powerful and if you see in your mind what you want, and you actually feel it…it will happen. In the words of Napoleon Hill, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.”.
Great article. One point you made was about finding a new friend – and I think that is really important. If you switch your focus from finding a new companion, to finding a good friend, it will make dating a lot easier.
Thanks Rhonda for the eye-opener. I guess, it all boils down to being whole again before plunging into a relationship even simple dating. Having a focus and a given time table for myself is keeping me on track and stable. Thanks again and I hope many would benefit from this article.
I don’t want to enter a relationship, no matter how frivolous, if I’m not ready. It would be ill-advised and unfair to the person I am seeing. I also don’t want to enter into something and make it seem like my previous relationship was so meaningless that I “got over it” quickly.
Good advice all – around, particularly regarding the setting of goals and desires. One thing I would add is back when the internet dating thing took off (circa 1998), I wasted far too much time on potential prospects that weren’t even in the same ballpark of what I really wanted, mostly out of sheer desperation. Don’t let the imaginary time clock that all of us have in our minds prevent you from asking for what you honestly want in a partner – you’ll be much happier when you determine not to “settle” for someone; this seems to be the primary reason why so many people get divorced these days.
Sometimes meeting people online isnt as bad as it sounds. Its like a screening process, and sometimes if it does work out it will work out quite well.. Well both parties have to be completely honest!
I completely agree with you about being completely clear in your mind about what you want. Positive thinking is very powerful and if you see in your mind what you want, and you actually feel it…it will happen. In the words of Napoleon Hill, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.”.
I think a lot of the baby boomers turn to the internet as a way to build confidence in the dating arena…especially if they haven’t needed to date for many years. Rhonda has put a superb article full with great tips together here. Its easy to tell shes an expert in this field!
After being in a relationship for years getting back out there is very scary!
Like you say Rhonda you just gotta do it. I have found the worst thing that can happen is the odd rejection.
If you don’t ask you don’t get!
Some great tips here Rhonda.
As someone who became single at 47, I can tell you that I was out of my comfort zone. Things seemed so much different than they did 22 years ago. In fact, I didn’t even try for a few months after the separation, thinking that I was simply too old and that my time had passed. Everyone even close to my age seemed to be in a relationship already (at least people that I knew).
Eventually, I met someone wonderful through a mutual friend and never looked back. Had it not been for that, I think I would still be single.
The bottom line is that you can still find romance later on in life, and it can be just as great as when you were in your twenties.
John
Wow… dumbfounded with the kind of information here. I like the good tips. If this existed when I was dating, it should have made a difference.
Dating world is like the share-market, like in the market whenever you wish to sell a stock, there’s always someone there to buy. In the dating world also , whenever you find yourself single, there will always be someone ready to mingle. So one should never loose heart, its never too late.
Like a lot of things, the first time is the hardest. It’s like “dating inertia” — so hard to get going, but once you try it’s really not nearly as hard as you expected. These are great tips overcoming the inertia. Thanks!
I absolutely agree with your point of view. And I found your post very helpful, especially to women who’s interested about dating. I like the topic about the S.M.A.R.T. thing, it is cool and so true!
“Dating inertia”, love it! It’s so true though. If you don’t get started, waiting won’t make it any easier. Here’s a quote I love:
“The greatest thief this world has ever known is procrastination and he is still at large!” – Henry Wheeler Shaw
Glad to see the post continues to help people
Rhonda Cort
@MagneticWoman
Having previously been a dating coach, I know exactly how difficult it is for some people (both men and women!) to re-enter the dating scene. It’s generally just a lack of self confidence, and all most people need is to get some initial success and they will find it makes them almost invincible. Informative article – thanks!